When Panic Attacks

Quickening breath. Body clenching. Foggy vision. Can't focus. Hyperventilating. Getting cold. Folding in on myself.

This is what happens when I have a panic attack.

I started having panic attacks about two years ago. The first one that I can remember happened when Jimmy and I were engaged. We were sitting on the couch talking about our future and something started happening that I didn't understand. I'm not exactly sure what triggered me; it may have been the over-whelming prospect of our future, the stress of planning a wedding while still in school, or the conversation may have steered towards my trauma (something that I now recognize as a major trigger for me).

Whatever set me off, it was unexpected and quite scary. Thankfully, I was with Jimmy. He responded in just the right way. He got me to focus my eyes on him and match his breathing. He reminded me that I was safe and slowly helped me unclench my body. I don't know what I did to be blessed with such an amazing man, but I'm sure thankful for him.

(Photo cred: Cheapshots Photography in Utah)

Since that first panic attack I've had somewhere between 15-20. Things that have set me off range from big things like almost missing a flight and talking about my trauma to small things like dinner not turning out the way I wanted it to or thinking about scary things that have a small possibility of actually happening. I've had panic attacks in the car, in the Seattle airport, on the couch, and (most frequently) in bed. Nighttime seems to be the worse and conversations or thoughts about my trauma seem to be the biggest trigger.

Only once did it reach a point where I almost vomited and passed out, and my husband has always been around to pull me out of it. I think the fear of what would happen if I had a panic attack when Jimmy wasn't around keeps me from having them (if that twisted logic makes sense haha).

Anxiety and panic attacks are a very real thing and they are one of the biggest messi bits of my life. Some things that help me when I feel one coming on are:

Taking deep "yoga" breaths

Laying under my weighted blanket

Focusing on Jimmy

Thinking positive thoughts/reminding myself of all the good that's in my life

To any of my friends who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, know that you aren't alone. The struggle is real and I'm always here if you need to talk with someone who experiences them. Also, know that it is okay to get help in whatever form you need (therapy, medication, a support system, etc.).

Take life one day at a time and as always,

Stay Messi,

Jessi

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