Separation Anxiety, it's not just for Children

Definition: excessive fear or anxiety about separation from home or an attachment figure.

When most people hear the phrase "separation anxiety" they immediately picture a screaming child being left at school or daycare. They are afraid that their mom/dad isn't going to come back. They are in an unfamiliar place and interacting with new people.

What most people DON"T picture is a 12 year-old girl crying because her cousin is leaving or a 10 year-old working herself into such a fit because, while she is safely at home with her siblings, she doesn't know where her mom is and she throws up. And the most definitely don't picture a 23 year-old wife who has to stop student teaching because she can't function while being separated from her husband.

My name is Jessica Winegardner and I suffer from separation anxiety.

When I was little I was shy, but was fine being left with family members or babysitters. My first memories of separation anxiety are all very similar: someone would come to visit our family (cousins, family-friends, etc.) and when it came time for them to leave I would get very sad. I would always hide my sadness and tears because of embarrassment. Then I went to visit my Aunt after she had twins to help her out. I was around 12-13 and I got super depressed and was zero help at all. I loved (and still love) this aunt, and my sister was with me, but I couldn't get over being away from my home (and my mom).

Things got a little better as I got older, but I still struggled when people came and went in my life. I am quite attached to my family (extended family included) and even though I knew I would always get to see them again, I still didn't want to say goodbye.

I was able to spend a week away from my family for things like EFY or girls camp, but I would call home most days and I almost always had a sibling or close friend with me at all times. My first semester of college was rough for many reasons, but I think my separation anxiety led to my depression being triggered. As I made good friends in Provo and felt comfortable calling it "home", I didn't miss my family as much; however, they were only a 3.5 hour drive away and I was still surrounded by cousins and family friends.

My separation anxiety hit its breaking point when Jimmy had to leave for pilot training and I was finishing my student teaching. Daily crying sessions, panic attacks, insomnia, depressions, zero motivation-in short, I was a hot mess. My husband was my home, family, and whole heart and suddenly I didn't have him anymore (at least, that's what my dramatic self told me; in reality we face-timed multiple times a day, talked on the phone multiple times a day, and he made two trips out to see me).

I was separated from everything I was strongly attached to and I simply couldn't handle it. If you've read my posts about my mental health journey (Here and Here), then you'll know that I had to graduate without my teaching license because I didn't (and still don't) believe that I would have successfully finished my student teaching with where my mental state was.

I think that sometimes people don't want to talk about problems they are having that they feel they should have gotten over by whatever point of life they are at. Just a few months ago I would have never admitted to having separation anxiety because in my mind that was something that only children suffered from. But now I'm working on stepping into my mind and taking full control of my mental health, and that includes owning up to what I suffer from.

So, whether you suffer from depression, anxiety (separation or other), PTSD, bi-polar disorder, or any other mental disorders, know that: 1- you are not alone and 2-it is okay to own your struggles. Reach out to someone you love and trust, let them into your mind and your feelings. Don't be afraid to get help and don't ever think that you are your mental health disorder. You are You and you are stronger than you think!

Talk about it, learn about it, work on it daily, and one day you will look back and see how far you've come.

In the words of the wise Winnie the Pooh:

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Stay Messi,

Jessi