A Period of Waiting

I was asked to give a talk in church last Sunday, and I felt impressed to share it with all of you. It shares a lot of the feelings we are going through currently; Jimmy and I have found ourselves in a period of waiting, a time of patience.

"When I accepted the invitation to give a talk today, I was given the rather broad topic of “Developing Christ-like attributes”. Almost instantly, an attribute popped into my mind and I knew it was the one I was meant to speak on. That attribute is patience.

I feel that we are often taught about patience in terms of being patient with our children, patient with our spouses, patient with a slow driver in the left lane of the freeway, etc. But I would like to approach it today from a slightly different angle: Patience with ourselves and with God’s plan for us.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell defined this type of patience in a BYU devotional given many years ago. He said, “Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the “process of time.”

Jimmy and I started trying to have a baby exactly 2 years ago. We went through the process of trying for a year before beginning to see an infertility doctor. As with many things in the military, the process of getting referrals, doing lab work, and getting ultrasound tests done moved along very slowly. It was almost another year before we were told that IVF would be our best chance at having a baby. Just last month, I spent three week in San Antonio going through our first round of IVF, which ultimately ended with a failed embryo transfer. Throughout the whole process, things were going perfectly and we had a great sense of peace and I truly believed that it was going to work. Why wouldn’t God grant me this righteous desire? When the doctor called to let me know that my pregnancy test was negative it would be safe to say that I was crushed and that my patience with God was wearing pretty thin.

In the midst of my sadness I started to ask God “Why?” Why didn’t this work? Why can’t we grow our family? Why did I feel such peace and like this was going to work? Why, why, why?”.

And then I remembered: “God has a plan for me, he has a plan for us, and he has a plan for our future family”.

That thought, coupled with my faith, has made each day a little better and a little brighter. It is so very hard to be patient, especially when dealing with a righteous desire, but that is what our Heavenly Father expects of us.

Elder Maxwell goes on to say: “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. Either way we are questioning the reality of God‘s omniscience as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship and were not quite in charge of everything.”

If that doesn’t humble you, then I don’t know what will. When I first read that I had to pause and just let it sink in. Who am I to think that I know better than our all-knowing, all-loving Father in Heaven?

But if you’re anything like me, then when you want something or you know something is going to happen in the future, you just want it now. Oh how I would love to have a baby growing inside me right now, but I know that God has a far better plan in store for me and I just have to hold onto that knowledge with all my heart.

Over the course of our infertility journey, and throughout my life, I’ve heard many people give examples of something hard that happened to them or times when they didn’t get what they wanted or hoped for, but looking back, they realized that it was for the better, that God knew what they truly needed. And I believe that’s true. But in the moment of tribulation, that might not be exactly what you want to hear. You probably want to hear the answer to “but what can I be doing now to get through this, to be patient, to keep moving forward until God decides to share His will and wisdom with me?”.

I’d like to turn to the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, to hopefully give an answer to that question.

I think we can all see how Christ demonstrated typical patience in His life; Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin described this when he said, “The Lord, Jesus Christ, is our perfect example of patience. Though absolutely unyielding in adherence to the truth, he exemplified patience repeatedly during his mortal ministry. He was patient with his disciples, including the Twelve, despite their lack of faith and their slowness to recognize and understand his divine mission. He was patient with the multitudes as they pressed about him, with the woman taken in sin, with those who sought his healing power, and with little children.” But how did Christ show patience with God? This was a new line of thought for me and I found it very interesting. How was Christ patient with God’s plan for Him. At some point in his life, Christ knew he was going to be betrayed and then killed. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could be very patient with other things in life knowing that that was in my future. That would probably be the only thing I could focus on. But Christ didn’t. He knew what was coming, and why, but he still got up every day and served the people around him, he kept teaching, he kept the gospel moving forward. And I believe that is the key to having patience with God and his timing and His plan for us. It’s getting up every day, reminding yourself that God has a plan for you, and then going about your day as Christ would; it’s looking for opportunities to serve and to teach, it’s getting out of your own head and leaving behind your own impatience to further the work of the Lord. I know that can be incredibly hard to do sometimes, I’ve been there and I get it. But I also know that if we try every day, the Lord will bless and multiply our efforts. He doesn’t want these times of patience to bring us down, but rather to lift us up.

And then, it may be days later or it may be years later, but God will share His wisdom and His will with you. You will be able to look back and become one of those people who says “Yeah, I can see now that God had a far better plan for me than I had for myself”.

Elder Maxwell goes on to say: “There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be.

When we are impatient, we are neither reverential nor reflective because we are too self-centered. Whereas faith and patience are companions, so are selfishness and impatience.”

“Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead, instead of demeaning the particular flatness through which we may be passing at the time. We should savor even the seemingly ordinary times, for life cannot be made up all of kettledrums and crashing cymbals. There must be some flutes and violins. Living cannot be all crescendo; there must be some dynamic contrast.”

It is hard to be patient when it comes to our life’s journey, but, like Elder Maxwell says, we should use those times of patience to be reflective, to think about our choices and where they are taking us. I also believe it can be a good time to think about our weaknesses and to work on making them our strengths, so that when God does decide it’s time for something big in your life you are as prepared as possible.

He also says “Patience permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord when we are tossed about by suffering as if by surf. When the undertow grasps us, we will realize that even as we tumble we are somehow being carried forward; we are actually being helped even as we cry for help.” In these moments of patience, and in all moments of life, we are not left alone. We can still pray for comfort, for peace, and even to ask why. Just because Heavenly Father is giving you time to try your patience, does not mean that he is abandoning you or giving up on you. He is simply giving you time and space to grow and become what He has created you to be.

I would like to leave you with the following scripture and my testimony:

Alma is talking to his son Shiblon in Alma chapter 38: 3-5

3 I say unto you, my son, that I have had great joy in thee already, because of thy faithfulness and thy diligence, and thy patience and thy long-suffering among the people of the Zoramites.

4 For I know that thou wast in bonds; yea, and I also know that thou wast stoned for the word’s sake; and thou didst bear all these things with patience because the Lord was with thee; and now thou knowest that the Lord did deliver thee.

5 And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

When we are in our own worldly bonds and feel like stones of trial and tribulation are being thrown at us, we must remember to bear them with patience and to rely on the lord, because he is going through it right along with us. And then God will deliver us, always, as we put our trust in Him. As we remember that his plan for us is far greater than ours. As we strive every day to have faith in that plan and to be more like our Saviour. As we do these things, I know that Heavenly Father will bless us with an extra measure of peace and comfort and that He will fulfill the righteous desires of our hearts according to our faith in Him."

Stay patient my friends,

Messi Jessi