It's Hard
Life is hard sometimes; it just is. So why do we have such a hard time admitting that? Why does it seem almost taboo to say that you are struggling, that you are going through a rough patch, that life is currently hard? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like whenever someone asks me how I'm feeling or how life is going my response is to always sugar coat: "I'm fine", "we're good", "I'm a little tired, but making it work". Why do I (and I feel like many others) struggle to speak our truth: "You know what, I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now", "I'm struggling a bit to keep up with work, school, etc.". I feel like we avoid giving those honest answers because we don't want to make the other person feel awkward and uncomfortable, or we don't want to sound negative or ungrateful. But then, our true thoughts and feelings get suppressed and can start to smother a little bit. Now, I'm not saying to launch into your whole life story when the cashier at the grocery store asks how you are doing; in that case I feel like saying "I'm good" is totally appropriate, because they are just doing there job and probably don't care about you all that much. What I'm saying is, when someone you trust (a family member, a good friend, someone from church, a neighbor) asks how you are doing or how life is going try answering honestly. For most it will be awkward and uncomfortable the first few times, and that's okay. But, I truly believe that it is necessary and good for people to be open and honest about when they are struggling.
Here, I'll go first:
It's hard moving to a new country. When people would ask me about our move I always felt like I had to say I was excited or, if I said something like "It's a little overwhelming" I always had to follow it up with "but we are so grateful" or "but we are so excited" because 1) I didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable and 2) I didn't want to seem ungrateful. But the truth is, there were (are) some days when I wasn't excited, when I didn't feel grateful, when this move didn't seem like an incredible opportunity, because guess what?! It's hard moving to another country.
It's hard leaving behind all of your loved ones
It's hard leaving behind everything that you know
It's hard (and expensive) moving a dog to another country
It's hard trying to pack up what you think you might need over the course of 4 months (and it was hard maneuvering all of these bags through two airports)
It's hard not knowing when you'll see the majority of your stuff again (coming up on 10 months)
It's hard figuring out a new phone plane and how to still stay connected to family and friends
It's hard learning to drive on the other side of the road and car
It's hard finding a new grocery store that you love (I miss you walmart)
It's hard adjust to different foods (I almost cried the other day because I wanted Texas Roadhouse so bad)
It's hard making new friends, reaching out to new neighbors, learning a new culture
It's hard making big decisions about your infertility journey because your frozen embryos are back in the states
It's hard to pursue adoption because you are in a foreign country (more on this later)
It's hard doing it all with anxiety and depression
and it is especially hard to talk about it with people who haven't experienced it because their perception of living in another country is like going on a long vacation (not that I blame them for that because more than likely that's all they've ever experienced).
But it's not a vacation, it's life. It's paying bills, it's buying cars, it's finding a job, it's moving into a house that may not actually fit your stuff and that has no A/C, it's settling into a new routine, and it is HARD.
Do I think things will get easier? Absolutely! And in some ways they already have. Are there moments when I am grateful, when I do realize what a cool place I live in? Sure! But I'm no longer using those to cover up the hard. Instead, I'm going to open up about the hard, embrace the hard, talk about the hard and I hope you will too. Talk to your spouse, your mom, your sibling, your best friend, a therapist, whoever you feel would embrace you and not make you feel guilty or ashamed for admitting that life is hard. And if no one else, feel free to talk to me about your hard. I'll lend a listening ear, give advice if that's what you want, just embrace you if that's what you need. We all go through hard (deciding on degree/career, finding a spouse, not finding a spouse, tough family relationships, having kids, dealing with mental health, etc.). No one is immune from it, so don't feel guilty talking about it. In my experience, talking about the hard is helpful in getting through the hard. By opening up about it you may be surprised to find how many people in your circle have gone through (or are going through) the same, or a similar, hard; lean on them and learn from them. You aren't meant to go through the hard alone.
Stay messi,
Jessi
PS. Another reason I felt I needed to write this post is because in the upcoming weeks, months, and years, you will see posts of adventures that we are going on and I never want that to spark comparison within you. I want you to remember that in between those visits to cool places are normal days; days of work, days of saving, days of missing America. Our opportunities to travel do not come without a cost. So please, never compare your life to ours because that will just make it extra hard and I don't want that for you.
